Unanswered prayers and restoration
Hello, friends. It's that time of year where we all become introspective and think over the happenings of the year. As I've thought about 2018, I came to the conclusion that I might have peaked as a person in 2017. I never came up with a solid goal for this year so I inevitably drifted. If 2017 saw me being successful in everything I attempted, 2018 was certainly a year of sloughing through the muck to make progress.
All year my church has had an emphasis on praying and then sharing when God answers those prayers. We were supposed to be specific in choosing a person/situation to pray for in anticipation of seeing God move. When God would answer that specific prayer, we had an opportunity to share. It was beautiful to see God answer prayer after prayer each week. All year I've watched videos and heard testimonies from people who have had their prayers answered in a huge way. Unfortunately, I was not in any videos nor did I have a testimony to share because my specific prayer remains in a state of unanswered.
My prayer has lasted longer than this year. I've prayed for this person for years without seeing any real change. So. What do I do with that? Is my praying not effective? Did I not pray enough? Maybe I didn't pray with faith. By the end of this year, I'd lost nearly all expectation of ever seeing my prayer answered. If faith is supposed to lead to hope, my loss of expectation lead to a loss of hope.
Now then, I know what some of you are thinking. "You can't give up. Maybe God is going to change you instead." To that, I say, "Yes, I know I can't give up, and duh. Of course God is changing me." That doesn't take away the frustration of another year going by with no tangible change, nothing I can point to and say "THERE! That's where God is starting to fix this mess." It's equally encouraging and disappointing to sit in this waiting while seeing God do in other's lives what I so desperately want for my own person of interest. Why do I share this now? Because it's almost a new year. It's my time to consider what I want my focus to be and where I hope to see change in my own life in the next 12 months. And so, I now share with you my theme for 2019.
If 2018 left me feeling a little hopeless, I choose to fight for hope in 2019. I have no idea what God will do in my world or in the worlds of those around me, but if have to choose a single word, a theme, it's restoration. My prayer will be for restoration of old dreams and goals that were pushed aside, of relationships that have spectacularly crashed and burned, of relationships that have slowly drifted apart until it's unrecognizable from what it once was. I want restoration to permeate my life where decay has seeped inside me as well as the lives of people around me who have also found themselves in a place they never expected to be. I firmly believe that there's no such thing as coasting in life. One is either moving forward or sliding backward. Restoration is the word that I think encompasses everything I crave for this coming year.
I can use this word for everything. Restoration for my kitchen because Lawd. My counters are covered in clutter that I can't seem to manage. Restoration for my bathrooms that have been neglected. Restoration for my school room/library so that it can finally be a beautiful, restful space instead of the pile of papers, books, posters, maps, and supplies that it has been for the last year. Restoration of my ability to say no to a doughnut and yes to a veggie tray. Restoration of muscle tone.
Restoration for me and service at my church. After pulling back for the last few years, I'm ready to jump back in. I'm not sure where I fit quite yet, but I'm going to figure that out (and write about it later). Restoration of a new way to support work in Honduras. The school supply drive I've run for the last few years for the Honduran school has brought me so much joy, but the friends I worked with are changing their location and ministry so I'm waiting to find out exactly what I can do here to help them do their work there.
And so that's it. Instead of a list of goals or focuses, this year I'm joining the trend of words. It seems to best fit what I hope for the next year. I hope every single one of you has 2019 full of joy, hope, and restoration.
All year my church has had an emphasis on praying and then sharing when God answers those prayers. We were supposed to be specific in choosing a person/situation to pray for in anticipation of seeing God move. When God would answer that specific prayer, we had an opportunity to share. It was beautiful to see God answer prayer after prayer each week. All year I've watched videos and heard testimonies from people who have had their prayers answered in a huge way. Unfortunately, I was not in any videos nor did I have a testimony to share because my specific prayer remains in a state of unanswered.
My prayer has lasted longer than this year. I've prayed for this person for years without seeing any real change. So. What do I do with that? Is my praying not effective? Did I not pray enough? Maybe I didn't pray with faith. By the end of this year, I'd lost nearly all expectation of ever seeing my prayer answered. If faith is supposed to lead to hope, my loss of expectation lead to a loss of hope.
Now then, I know what some of you are thinking. "You can't give up. Maybe God is going to change you instead." To that, I say, "Yes, I know I can't give up, and duh. Of course God is changing me." That doesn't take away the frustration of another year going by with no tangible change, nothing I can point to and say "THERE! That's where God is starting to fix this mess." It's equally encouraging and disappointing to sit in this waiting while seeing God do in other's lives what I so desperately want for my own person of interest. Why do I share this now? Because it's almost a new year. It's my time to consider what I want my focus to be and where I hope to see change in my own life in the next 12 months. And so, I now share with you my theme for 2019.
If 2018 left me feeling a little hopeless, I choose to fight for hope in 2019. I have no idea what God will do in my world or in the worlds of those around me, but if have to choose a single word, a theme, it's restoration. My prayer will be for restoration of old dreams and goals that were pushed aside, of relationships that have spectacularly crashed and burned, of relationships that have slowly drifted apart until it's unrecognizable from what it once was. I want restoration to permeate my life where decay has seeped inside me as well as the lives of people around me who have also found themselves in a place they never expected to be. I firmly believe that there's no such thing as coasting in life. One is either moving forward or sliding backward. Restoration is the word that I think encompasses everything I crave for this coming year.
I can use this word for everything. Restoration for my kitchen because Lawd. My counters are covered in clutter that I can't seem to manage. Restoration for my bathrooms that have been neglected. Restoration for my school room/library so that it can finally be a beautiful, restful space instead of the pile of papers, books, posters, maps, and supplies that it has been for the last year. Restoration of my ability to say no to a doughnut and yes to a veggie tray. Restoration of muscle tone.
Restoration for me and service at my church. After pulling back for the last few years, I'm ready to jump back in. I'm not sure where I fit quite yet, but I'm going to figure that out (and write about it later). Restoration of a new way to support work in Honduras. The school supply drive I've run for the last few years for the Honduran school has brought me so much joy, but the friends I worked with are changing their location and ministry so I'm waiting to find out exactly what I can do here to help them do their work there.
And so that's it. Instead of a list of goals or focuses, this year I'm joining the trend of words. It seems to best fit what I hope for the next year. I hope every single one of you has 2019 full of joy, hope, and restoration.
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