And now for mornings...

As you probably know, I am generally not a morning person. As I persevere through my plan to take control of my time, I'm moving onto my next phase. My plan started with making "No" my default answer, replacing the ill-advised "Yes" habit I'd slipped back into. That in itself was a huge help to me. I didn't realize how many times I was saying yes to invites, commitments, phone calls, etc. automatically only to juggle too many things that I really had no business juggling. The next part of my plan included the beautiful, overpriced planner. And the menu planner subscription. And the online grocery shopping. The online grocery and menu planner are more of a stop gap to get me out of crisis mode, and they got me cooking at home again.  Now I'm here, moving on to phase 3: Mornings.

Mornings have never been my thing. I am slow to get up. I scroll through Facebook for too long. Jon works second shift so he gets home late and is home in the morning. It makes every morning feel a little bit like Saturday no matter how many years he's worked this schedule. BUT it's not working for me, and I'm finally ready to tackle this new thing that I'd like to change. It's embarrassingly simple, as are most of my struggles this season. I just need to get up when I wake up. I wake up at 8am every morning. Since I go to bed around midnight, I'm okay with 8am. Still, I have to actually get up, and today I did just that. I need outside motivation to make me do the things, and at this point, I'm being literal. I got up and left the house. 

Thanks to my amazing class, I am flush with Starbucks funds at the moment so I headed for my local homeschool mom version of Cheers. Seriously, I think the baristas should call my name when I walk in the door. What am I saying? They know I don't want the attention. They bless me by letting me order my drink on the app and not engaging when I walk to the counter. Anyway.  I answered some emails, looked over my planner for the week, scanned my menu, and figured out a loose plan for the next few days. It also gave me some time alone to think. I'm pretty sure Jon will never understand my need to be alone to think complete thoughts. It's the way I am built, and I must embrace this weird requirement about myself.

Now that I've been cutting back on a few things and enjoying the freedom that comes as school things drop off one by one, I'm discovering little realizations at random moments. For instance, yesterday morning, I was able to clearly see that most of the extra things that drove me to an inability to grocery shop like a grown up were not actually things I could control. They happened to me. My husband's job change. My grandmother's decline and death. Interpersonal issues that had nothing to do with me yet still managed to totally wreck some things I'd thought were settled. They were unavoidable, and I can let myself off the hook for letting a few things slide. Now other things...well, I totally added an extra job that I knew I shouldn't have, but I still don't regret it. I'll be done in another month and a half, and it will help send me to Honduras. Totally worth it.

This afternoon I had another small epiphany. I have no routines. I used to have routines, then they all went away this year. Every single day looked different. I had routines and breaks built into my schedule at the beginning of the year, but life took that away after the holidays. That's why this afternoon I stood in my living room, looked around, and thought to myself, "What do I do now? I should be doing something, but I'm not sure what it is." It's actually refreshing to remember all the other things I can do now that my brain space is being freed up. Over the next few weeks I'll be rebuilding routines again. It should be fun. It sounds terribly boring, but remember, sometimes boring is exactly what we need.

Finally, and this is totally unrelated to my struggle to adult well, we bought our tickets to Honduras! It's really happening! Tommy got his passport in the mail the same day which made me feel better about buying the tickets. Purchasing plane tickets brings out my super hero ability to imagine the worst like nothing else. In the space between choosing seats and clicking "Confirm", I imagined illness, the total breakdown of the Honduran government, and everything in between that would prevent us from actually taking this trip. In about eight weeks, Jon, Tommy, and I will be on our way to Honduras with three checked bags full of school supplies. The school supply drive will start before I know it, and I can't wait to hand deliver the first few bags of the year. We'll get to see some of our dearest friends on their turf this time. Honduras is their home in every sense of the word, and I'm so excited to finally see their world.

Thanks for reading my terribly boring post about remembering how to be a grown-up. I'm hoping for many more boring months to come.