On October and marriage
Has anyone else noticed that October generally sucks as a month? No? It's just me then? I called my friend at the beginning of the week in a puddle of self-pity and fatigue, and she had brilliantly already connected the dots for me. October tends to be the month where I crash and burn. I've already learned that February is the holiday/homeschool hangover month, but I had not yet seen how October tends to be a struggle as well. After looking through my journal writing and blog posts for October over the years, it's clearly a trouble spot in my life.
Is it the hot temperatures and pathetically dull leaves we get for "autumn" here in Charleston when I've had a lifetime of cooler weather and fall colors? Am I bogged down by school? After all, we're well past the excitement and momentum that comes with the beginning of school and decidely in the painful persevering marathon section of the first semester (to be repeated in February). We're too far in to be excited and too far away from the holidays to feel that push to the end.
I don't know if the decline in my cooking and general housekeeping is a cause or result of October's demise, but does it matter all that much? In the end, I've had more soda and coffee in the last 2 months than I'll usually drink all year. I'm convinced the laundry pile is becoming a sentient being based on its ability to reproduce. And I'm pretty sure it growled at me when I tried to put everything away a few days ago. The bathrooms...oh God. The bathrooms. I was supposed to clean them at some point this month. On the bright side, I now know that October and February are spirit animals. I'll remember to watch out for this next year. At least I won't be caught off guard when the bathrooms don't get cleaned and Moe's welcomes us with embarrassing familiarity.
And that brings me to today. I will be honest (because the bathroom confession wasn't enough), this week has stretched me as a person in ways that I'd prefer to not be stretched at the moment. My husband and I have been doing this marriage thing for nearly 16 years now. We've got our roles down. We generally agree on the important things. We discuss both sides, and we come to a consensus that we're both happy with. We're so mature. Usually. Sometimes we discuss both sides, and we still don't agree. That's where we found ourselves in October (see? October is a terrible month). After landing on opposite sides of an issue, one of us had to make a decision, and I was less than thrilled with the result. It's not like the decision was a bad decision, but I did not get my way on this one.
Compounding my frustration was an overwhelming need to sleep for daaaayzzzz. Fatigue and frustration are terrible partners, and they were messing with my life. After taking some naps and going to bed early a few nights, I was ready to deal with the heart of the matter. Jon had made a decision that he had the right to make, and I was pushing back too hard after the discussion was done. The negativity was branching out into other parts of my life. Sigh. Bitterness is a terrible way to spend one's life, and I was tenderly watering the little bitter root in my heart.
I've already done the garden of bitterness in my marriage before, and it is not a place I care to be in again. So where did that leave me? Well, it led me to today where I thankfully had the ability to go off by myself for the day so I could have some time to think a complete and uninterrupted thought and prayer. I wrote out the issue. Then I wrote out the ways that I've contributed to our situation because yes, friends. As unbelievable as it may be, I have contributed in our circumstance. Then I started to write all the ways I can fix the issue before realizing that I can't plan my way out of a heart problem.
Although there are some practical things I can do to help re-position our family, I ultimately have to recognize my role in things. And that role is not to push and pull until I get my way. I can try to passionately persuade to my opinion, but once a decision is reached, I have to honor it. If Jon is really the leader of our family, he gets to lead the way he feels he should, not the way I tell him to. There is frustration in that for me. There's also freedom. This week I was feeling the frustration, but now I'm actively seeking out the freedom.
And now I'm anxiously looking forward to November. The month when the holidays will give us the boost we need to keep moving with school. The month that brings the end to all things ELECTION related. Praise. The. Lord.
Is it the hot temperatures and pathetically dull leaves we get for "autumn" here in Charleston when I've had a lifetime of cooler weather and fall colors? Am I bogged down by school? After all, we're well past the excitement and momentum that comes with the beginning of school and decidely in the painful persevering marathon section of the first semester (to be repeated in February). We're too far in to be excited and too far away from the holidays to feel that push to the end.
I don't know if the decline in my cooking and general housekeeping is a cause or result of October's demise, but does it matter all that much? In the end, I've had more soda and coffee in the last 2 months than I'll usually drink all year. I'm convinced the laundry pile is becoming a sentient being based on its ability to reproduce. And I'm pretty sure it growled at me when I tried to put everything away a few days ago. The bathrooms...oh God. The bathrooms. I was supposed to clean them at some point this month. On the bright side, I now know that October and February are spirit animals. I'll remember to watch out for this next year. At least I won't be caught off guard when the bathrooms don't get cleaned and Moe's welcomes us with embarrassing familiarity.
And that brings me to today. I will be honest (because the bathroom confession wasn't enough), this week has stretched me as a person in ways that I'd prefer to not be stretched at the moment. My husband and I have been doing this marriage thing for nearly 16 years now. We've got our roles down. We generally agree on the important things. We discuss both sides, and we come to a consensus that we're both happy with. We're so mature. Usually. Sometimes we discuss both sides, and we still don't agree. That's where we found ourselves in October (see? October is a terrible month). After landing on opposite sides of an issue, one of us had to make a decision, and I was less than thrilled with the result. It's not like the decision was a bad decision, but I did not get my way on this one.
Compounding my frustration was an overwhelming need to sleep for daaaayzzzz. Fatigue and frustration are terrible partners, and they were messing with my life. After taking some naps and going to bed early a few nights, I was ready to deal with the heart of the matter. Jon had made a decision that he had the right to make, and I was pushing back too hard after the discussion was done. The negativity was branching out into other parts of my life. Sigh. Bitterness is a terrible way to spend one's life, and I was tenderly watering the little bitter root in my heart.
I've already done the garden of bitterness in my marriage before, and it is not a place I care to be in again. So where did that leave me? Well, it led me to today where I thankfully had the ability to go off by myself for the day so I could have some time to think a complete and uninterrupted thought and prayer. I wrote out the issue. Then I wrote out the ways that I've contributed to our situation because yes, friends. As unbelievable as it may be, I have contributed in our circumstance. Then I started to write all the ways I can fix the issue before realizing that I can't plan my way out of a heart problem.
Although there are some practical things I can do to help re-position our family, I ultimately have to recognize my role in things. And that role is not to push and pull until I get my way. I can try to passionately persuade to my opinion, but once a decision is reached, I have to honor it. If Jon is really the leader of our family, he gets to lead the way he feels he should, not the way I tell him to. There is frustration in that for me. There's also freedom. This week I was feeling the frustration, but now I'm actively seeking out the freedom.
And now I'm anxiously looking forward to November. The month when the holidays will give us the boost we need to keep moving with school. The month that brings the end to all things ELECTION related. Praise. The. Lord.
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