That's it. I call BS.

So here it goes...I have read more mommy related, guilt inducing articles and posts in the last few months than I care to remember. The next person that says "I love EVERY moment of being a mom" will flat out get called a liar. By me. Because you're lying. You just are. I easily admit that there are things about being a mom that I really do not like.  Those moments when my babies would. not. sleep. I didn't love it. Did I have moments where I looked down into their crying faces and thought, "I love you!"? Sure! Did I look at them and think "I JUST WANT TO SLEEEEEEEP! WHY WON'T YOU STOP CRYING?!?!?!"  Absolutely!  Or the moments when the kids have thrown up on me, in the car, on the floor, on the carpet, on the carpet again, on the bed, on the new sheets I just changed, all over the carseat (because those are sooo easy to clean)? Hate those moments. I hate every part of it. I hate that my child is sick. I hate that everything smells like puke. I hate that I'm the one that has to clean it up.  Or how about those moments when the kids are fighting about every. single. thing before they all turn on me and decide that I'm the reason they're unhappy. And maybe their right. Sometimes I AM the reason they're unhappy. Actually, I'm frequently the reason they're unhappy. I make them eat their vegetables. I make them do their chores. I make them do their schoolwork. Occasionally I forget things that are important to them.  I make them turn the TV off because I just can't listen to another cartoon voice.

I'll go so far as to say that the mom who says she enjoys every single moment of being a mom is in great danger of spoiling her kids. Or she's a masochist.  Or she's lying to herself and others.  How in the world did we get into this mindset that we're supposed to be happy all the time. That NOT being happy is wrong?  Because nobody is happy all the time, and we would be insane if we were. I used think it was more of a "church" thing. As if following Christ is supposed to mean that we're happy all the time, and if we're not, then either something is wrong with us or something is wrong with God.  But over the last few years I've realized it's predominant in our American culture (of course, church culture and American culture are eerily similar, but that's a different post). When you lose your job, you don't have to be happy about that. When someone you love dies, it's okay to grieve and tell people you're grieving. When your kid drops rainbow colored Goldfish crackers on the floor then steps on them, it's okay to admit that you at least sigh in mild dissatisfaction. I certainly don't like it when I have to tell my daughter no to something with the full knowledge that she will let me know EXACTLY how angry she is about my imposition of  "No" on her little life.

So all this to say that yes, I deeply, unconditionally, emphatically love my children. I love that I get the privilege of being their mom.  I do not love all the parts of my job, but I do know that it's a package deal. God can handle my struggles. When I don't want to get out of bed because life is weighing down on me, God already knows it. And He can handle it. He also doesn't have to apologize for it. God didn't promise me a happy life. That would shallow. He promised to change me. To make me better. To work all things for my good because I'm His child even when I can't see what the point is. That process is not always easy and smooth. It hurts, and I don't like to hurt.  I can readily admit that.

Just don't be offended when I call BS on your fake smile and assertion that you just LOVE sitting in a car in the middle of traffic while your child screams because he can't reach the toy that he threw because he was angry about...who knows...the temperature of the car? Because I will call you out. =)

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