I was the crazy woman at the golf course today.

     Did know that my minivan has an anti-theft security system? Do you know how to set it off? I did not know either of these things until this afternoon. I've driven this van around for over 3 years and never ever had what happened to me today occur.
     The afternoon started so nicely...the kids and I went to the pool, we had a snack, then we went to the golf course to take Mr. Logical to his golf class.  I had to walk with Mr. L. to the driving range to listen to the coach give their intro for the class. Since it's uber-dangerous to take BBE to a driving range (think 2 year running around, chasing balls, not caring about the kids with big metal sticks that are hitting the balls), I left BBE and Miss Firecracker in the van. Before you jump on me for this, know that the windows were all rolled down and I was maybe 40 feet away, watching the whole time, and I was out of the van for maybe 4 minutes. Just to be clear...
      So I was walking back to the van when suddenly the lights started flashing and my horn started honking! It was LOUD! VERY LOUD! Especially since I was at a hoity-toity GOLF COURSE!  I ran to the van, realized I still had my keys in my pocket, unlocked the door, and started pushing every button I could reach. I'm not sure why I thought the radio or AC might have caused this, but I jammed them all repeatedly. BBE and Miss F were in their seats, and then....it stopped.
      "YES! THANK GOD it stopped!"  is what I was thinking for about 10 seconds before it started AGAIN! So this time I tried jamming my key in the ignition and turning the van on. Well, of course the van wouldn't start.  And then I was freaking out. I'm good under pressure. I'm not good with loud noises. Today the loud noises trumped pressure, and I freaked out.  I think I was repeatedly yelling something like, "I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS IS HAPPENING!!!!!"  After realizing that pushing buttons wasn't helping, I did the next thing I could think of: call Mr. Incredible. He works on planes worth millions of dollars. Surely he could tell me what to do.
      I called Mr. Inc., and as soon as he answered, I started yelling at him like a crazy woman. It went something like this.

      Mr. Inc: "Hey, what's up, I only have a minute."

      Me: "THE CAR IS FREAKING OUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO THE HORN IS BLOWING AND THE LIGHTS ARE FLASHING THE CAR IS FREAKING OUT HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP!?!????!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


      Mr. Inc: "Um...what?"


      Me: "THE CAR IS FREAKING OUT I DON'T KNOW WHY IT WON'T STOP THE CAR WON'T START AND I'M AT THE GOLF COURSE WHAT DO I DO?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!??"


      Mr. Inc: "..............What? Where are you?"

     ***The lights and horn stop***   ***people are staring and trying not to laugh***

     Me: "THE CAR ALARM KEEPS GOING OFF! I DIDN'T KNOW WE HAD A CAR ALARM! EVERY TIME I OPEN THE DOOR, IT GOES OFF AND THE CAR WON'T  START! I'M AT THE GOLF COURSE!!

     ***Car alarm starts again***

     Mr Inc.: "Okay....hey, she says the car is freaking out and the alarm is going off? What do you think?"

     ***So great, now all of Mr. Inc's plane mechanic buddies are listening to my freakout too***

   
      At this point, I realized my wonderful husband just wasn't going to be much help over the phone so I had to take matters into my own hands. I'd noticed a couple that had been trying (and failing miserably) not to stare at my flashing, noisy van and the crazy woman sitting inside. I jumped out of the van, walked with purpose to the guy, and asked him if he knew how to stop the mayhem (It was probably more like, "CAN YOU MAKE THIS STOP I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT STOP!!!").
      Thankfully he had a theory. He suggested that perhaps I had locked the van one way, but it was somehow unlocked a different way, and that would set off the alarm. If I locked the van with my key, then unlocked it again with my key, it might stop. I had no reason NOT to try his suggestion. After all, his idea couldn't be worse than screaming and pushing random buttons. I did it, and thankfully it worked. The lights went away, the constant horn blowing went away, and I absentmindedly thanked the guy before jumping back in my van to try and make a speedy escape. I buckled my seat belt, told Mr. Inc that everything was fine again, hung up the phone, put the key in the ignition and....





Nothing. The ignition was locked.  *face palm*




I just had to make a run for it. I got the kids out of the van, and we walked as calmly as possibly to the clubhouse for a potty break (I have a 2 yr old so I can still say potty break).  A few minutes later, we came back, and I called Mr. Inc. again to ask him how to unlock the ignition because I couldn't remember. He told me, I started the van, and we left.
      And now to wrap this up.

1. Here's how this entire fiasco started. Miss Firecracker was messing with her lock while I was away from the van. Somehow this triggered the anti-theft alarm that I didn't even know we had. 

2.I can't believe I freaked out so badly.

3.I really can't believe that I walked right past a woman to get to a man to ask how to fix my van.

4.I'm kind of scared to lock my van now.

And that's it. If this ever happens to you, remember my story and try locking and unlocking your car BEFORE freaking out at a golf course. In front of your 9 year old son's golf class. Otherwise, you will suffer moderate to severe embarrassment.

 


 




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Beauty, awe, and trust

Image
The past few days my mind has insisted on drifting back to Paris at every opportunity. Generally during the day there are too many sounds and responsibilities to merely sit and think. At night, however, my mind has been coming alive with memories. This time, my heart keeps going back to the Eiffel Tower. My first day in Paris was ridiculously perfect, but that evening was one of those surreal experiences that still feels halfway imagined. Actually, it's not even the Eiffel Tower that I keep picturing, it's walking in Paris afterwards. It was midnight, and we walked through a light rain. The city was quieter than I expected a major city to be. Hardly anyone was walking, there were few cars on the roads. We walked by this one restaurant with a red awning that was full of boisterous cyclists celebrating the end of the Tour de France. The rain made the city lights sparkle. The lights weren't harsh and florescent. Instead, they all had a soft, warm, incandescent glow that made t...
Read more

I think people wouldn't like me as much if I had a better filter.

Hello, friends. So. We all have that thing or two that is our signature trait; the thing that people identify us with. I have two, but only one is applicable for today because someone said it to me this morning, and then I exhibited it this evening. People tell me that I tell the truth. Bluntly. Or that I say the things that they wish they could say. Some people admire it, but really, I just lack a filter. I see it as more of a fault, but there ya go. The thing is, I don't share nearly enough for me to feel all "transparent" or whatever the new buzzword is for today. I generally feel like I hide most of the things we're all supposed to hide. And then I'll say something like I said tonight, and I think to myself "Oh. Yeah. That's why people say I'm blunt." This evening as I was talking to another mom, she asked me about homeschooling. She admitted she didn't know very much about it and it seemed overwhelming. Then she asked about testing and...
Read more

Goodbye to you.

Hello, friends. Despite my lack of posting, I've been doing a decent amount of writing, and it's good. I mean, I know I shouldn't say that, but a few things are really  good. You know how I know? I know because I can't bring myself to let anyone else actually read it. So there ya go. But really, here's the thing.  Everything that I want to say doesn't seem to fit in this space anymore. I started this blog mostly as a way to keep friends and family up to date as we moved or they moved...everybody was always moving. Then it morphed into a place to say some of the things. Not all  the things because I like to keep friends and acquaintances in my life. Even so, it was a place to drop some of my thoughts that needed to be dropped for the people that want to keep up with our world.  Now I've settled down enough that I can be slightly more focused. And so...I think this is the end of this blog. It's a little sad, but it's long overdue. This dinky littl...
Read more