On "Why I Quit The Church"
Last week my church started a new series called "Why I Quit The Church", and it has been speaking to my heart. But before I go into that, I have a few random thoughts/updates.
1. I started my baby runner program last week! I almost waited to start because of the cold weather this weekend, but I'd already told people I was going to do this. If I didn't start, I'd have to tell those same people my lame excuse for why I backed out. So I started. It's the most basic running program ever. The goal is to be able to run a mile without stopping. It will take me about 4 weeks to get to this point. I've been walking 2 miles and throwing in the short runs in the middle according to plan. I need lots of mini successes to give me the momentum to keep going. And I've hidden my stash of dark chocolate covered cherries which has greatly reduced my sugar intake. Lots of baby health steps going on this week.
2. I ripped a huge hole in the only pair of jeans I owned that I could wear my tall boots with so I bought a new pair of jeans this week. They're the Rockstar Skinny jeans from Old Navy. They mock me. Rockstar? Skinny? I am a 35 year old woman. What am I wearing Rockstar Skinny jeans for? They should make jeans called Mom Wants to Wear Boots jeans. We can call them MWWBs. At least they'd be honest. Unless we're going with my imaginary version of myself in which case they should be called Rockstar Skinny Published Olympic Ice Skating Gold Medalist Jeans.
Okay. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, let me tell you about this "Why I Quit the Church" thing. If you've had any kind of real friendship with me over the last 7 years or so, you know that I've gone through a long period of church...frustrations. They were admittedly more my problem than any church's. I've moved on and can actually say for the first time in 7-8 yrs that I actually love the church. Today's message had some really good points that I need to talk about. Since I have no one to talk to today, I'm blasting this out here instead.
First, "Churches are not meant to be perfect little utopias of sinlessness." I just really liked this quote. Although I know all to well that the church is made up of broken people, it's easy to think of the church as a destination we've arrived at instead of a gathering of people on a journey. We're people meeting at a way station for some refreshment before going on our way again.
Second, we covered cliques. Although the word has a bad connotation, it's really another word for a circle of friends. Every organization/school/workplace will have circles of people that are in some kind of relationship together. The important part is to not close ourselves off to new people. Although I would never describe myself as cliquey, I have to admit that a couple of years ago, I was kind of done with adding new people to my circle. Letting people into my life and getting into theirs is exhausting, and I'd spent that last few years expanding my circle with every move. To really have relationships with people inevitably means that it will cost me something, and I'd overspent in that department for too long.
I am a big believer in the slices of life philosophy. When I compare my life to pie (obviously I go with a food analogy), I have to recognize that certain slices are going to involve different things. A couple of years ago when I was in the "my life pie slice just fell on the floor and someone stepped on it" phase, I had nothing to offer anyone. I needed people to see my metaphorical self smooshed on the floor and help put me back together. Thankfully, my circle was there to get me through everything. Unfortunately, my church wasn't really a part of that healing process. It was disheartening, but I also knew that I'd spent some time being standoff-ish so really, what did I expect?
After spending most of last year trying hard to grow relationships within our church, I believe things would be different now. It's a hard thing to balance though. So many times, people enter the church because they're empty, broken, and don't have it in them to work hard at building friendships with new people. BUT it's not fair to ask people to love, listen, and care about you if you're not willing to do the same for them. BUT again, as people that follow Christ, we should show love and compassion to everyone whether we deem them deserving or not. As if we can make that determination in the first place. There's a tension that everyone needs to recognize. If you're happy and whole, you have the privilege and ability to be watchful for those people that are barely making it through the door. If you're the person white-knuckling it through life at the moment, you have to push just a little harder to let someone in, to let them know what you're dealing with.
Personally, I never actually gave up on church even if I did spend too much time going out of obligation. I definitely took my time to just be at church every week. And I think that's okay. We can't always be on. We can't always be in the middle of everything. Sometimes we need to take a time out to prioritize and rest. Don't quit because you're "just not feeling it" for a few months.
During the message, in that same vein of relationships costing us, our pastor specifically mentioned marriage. About one's spouse, he said, "One day you wake up and think 'I don't like you! You're costing me a lot. Time, money, energy...'". And this is true. If you haven't had this thought about your spouse you haven't been married long or you're not doing it right. Obviously we don't stay in that place. The gain is greater. Everyone is annoying sometimes, but we stay committed to find a greater joy and reward. My relationship with my church is the same way. Sometimes I look at it and think "I don't like you right now!" But I keep at it because the reward is great. And..probably people at my church have looked at me and thought the same thing. It's okay. I can be annoying sometimes. But it's a relationship worth working through. The church is the bride of Christ. I can't just look at someone's bride and say, I don't like who you picked. You should have held out for better. Especially since I'm part of that package.
Okay, that's all. I'm done. Go enjoy your Sunday evening before Monday morning hits you like a wrecking ball between the eyes.
1. I started my baby runner program last week! I almost waited to start because of the cold weather this weekend, but I'd already told people I was going to do this. If I didn't start, I'd have to tell those same people my lame excuse for why I backed out. So I started. It's the most basic running program ever. The goal is to be able to run a mile without stopping. It will take me about 4 weeks to get to this point. I've been walking 2 miles and throwing in the short runs in the middle according to plan. I need lots of mini successes to give me the momentum to keep going. And I've hidden my stash of dark chocolate covered cherries which has greatly reduced my sugar intake. Lots of baby health steps going on this week.
2. I ripped a huge hole in the only pair of jeans I owned that I could wear my tall boots with so I bought a new pair of jeans this week. They're the Rockstar Skinny jeans from Old Navy. They mock me. Rockstar? Skinny? I am a 35 year old woman. What am I wearing Rockstar Skinny jeans for? They should make jeans called Mom Wants to Wear Boots jeans. We can call them MWWBs. At least they'd be honest. Unless we're going with my imaginary version of myself in which case they should be called Rockstar Skinny Published Olympic Ice Skating Gold Medalist Jeans.
Okay. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, let me tell you about this "Why I Quit the Church" thing. If you've had any kind of real friendship with me over the last 7 years or so, you know that I've gone through a long period of church...frustrations. They were admittedly more my problem than any church's. I've moved on and can actually say for the first time in 7-8 yrs that I actually love the church. Today's message had some really good points that I need to talk about. Since I have no one to talk to today, I'm blasting this out here instead.
First, "Churches are not meant to be perfect little utopias of sinlessness." I just really liked this quote. Although I know all to well that the church is made up of broken people, it's easy to think of the church as a destination we've arrived at instead of a gathering of people on a journey. We're people meeting at a way station for some refreshment before going on our way again.
Second, we covered cliques. Although the word has a bad connotation, it's really another word for a circle of friends. Every organization/school/workplace will have circles of people that are in some kind of relationship together. The important part is to not close ourselves off to new people. Although I would never describe myself as cliquey, I have to admit that a couple of years ago, I was kind of done with adding new people to my circle. Letting people into my life and getting into theirs is exhausting, and I'd spent that last few years expanding my circle with every move. To really have relationships with people inevitably means that it will cost me something, and I'd overspent in that department for too long.
I am a big believer in the slices of life philosophy. When I compare my life to pie (obviously I go with a food analogy), I have to recognize that certain slices are going to involve different things. A couple of years ago when I was in the "my life pie slice just fell on the floor and someone stepped on it" phase, I had nothing to offer anyone. I needed people to see my metaphorical self smooshed on the floor and help put me back together. Thankfully, my circle was there to get me through everything. Unfortunately, my church wasn't really a part of that healing process. It was disheartening, but I also knew that I'd spent some time being standoff-ish so really, what did I expect?
After spending most of last year trying hard to grow relationships within our church, I believe things would be different now. It's a hard thing to balance though. So many times, people enter the church because they're empty, broken, and don't have it in them to work hard at building friendships with new people. BUT it's not fair to ask people to love, listen, and care about you if you're not willing to do the same for them. BUT again, as people that follow Christ, we should show love and compassion to everyone whether we deem them deserving or not. As if we can make that determination in the first place. There's a tension that everyone needs to recognize. If you're happy and whole, you have the privilege and ability to be watchful for those people that are barely making it through the door. If you're the person white-knuckling it through life at the moment, you have to push just a little harder to let someone in, to let them know what you're dealing with.
Personally, I never actually gave up on church even if I did spend too much time going out of obligation. I definitely took my time to just be at church every week. And I think that's okay. We can't always be on. We can't always be in the middle of everything. Sometimes we need to take a time out to prioritize and rest. Don't quit because you're "just not feeling it" for a few months.
During the message, in that same vein of relationships costing us, our pastor specifically mentioned marriage. About one's spouse, he said, "One day you wake up and think 'I don't like you! You're costing me a lot. Time, money, energy...'". And this is true. If you haven't had this thought about your spouse you haven't been married long or you're not doing it right. Obviously we don't stay in that place. The gain is greater. Everyone is annoying sometimes, but we stay committed to find a greater joy and reward. My relationship with my church is the same way. Sometimes I look at it and think "I don't like you right now!" But I keep at it because the reward is great. And..probably people at my church have looked at me and thought the same thing. It's okay. I can be annoying sometimes. But it's a relationship worth working through. The church is the bride of Christ. I can't just look at someone's bride and say, I don't like who you picked. You should have held out for better. Especially since I'm part of that package.
Okay, that's all. I'm done. Go enjoy your Sunday evening before Monday morning hits you like a wrecking ball between the eyes.
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