Don't miss the village, make your own village!

Over the last few weeks, this "I miss the village" blog post has continued to pop up.  I've read it and liked it. If you haven't read it, basically it's a dream of a mom of young children to not have to go it alone all the time. It's the dream of moms living life together, naturally helping each other and working together instead of every mom for herself. And I get it. It's actually very practical. Why should we ALL cook dinner at the same time when we could pot luck it together or take turns? It would make my life SO much easier!

Here's the thing though. As I was reading through this lovely vision of utopian motherhood, I realized I wasn't really missing the things that the writer was sharing. Sure, I do in some respects, but I've been making my own village of sorts for years. Unless you and your friends are willing to take over a cul de sac or somehow find ways to live next to your favorite people (which I am totally down with doing- friends, you know who you are because we've already talked about how to do it!), you have to modernize your definition of village.

So here is the key to my metaphorical village.  Basically, I started stepping up for other moms the way I wanted them to step up for me. Kind of like the "Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you". Sound familiar?  I do it without keeping score. There were certainly times when life was insane, and friends have offered their help to me knowing there was no way I'd be able to return the favor.  But you know, there have been times when I've helped out moms knowing their lives were crazy. The heart of the village concept is that we serve in love, not in hopes of getting something in return.

So here are some specific ways I've made my village. I've given and received these. Both instances are always a blessing for me. In fact, I honestly love being the one bringing dinner to a friend more than getting a dinner. I admit I might love dropping the kids off with a friend more than picking up the extra kids from time to time, but come on. Coffee alone or coffee with 5 kids playing legos/Pokemon/Smash Bros.?  There's a clear winner. Just being honest. =) Anyway, specifics...

• Offer to keep your friend's children for a few hours. If your friends asks you to watch them for a couple of hours, why not offer to keep the kids for 4 hours instead? Give the gift of time.
• If you make extra muffins/cookies/dinner, drop it off at your friend's house. You don't have to stay and make a thing of it. I'll occasionally make huge batches of food for dinner. Sometimes I freeze the extra, and sometimes I call my friend and say "Hey, I made _______. Do you want to come over for dinner or I can bring it to you."  Yes, it sounds a little weird, but again, wouldn't you want someone to do that for you if you were having a long week? So do it for them.
• One time I came down with one of the worst stomach viruses in my life. I had 3 little ones and my husband was out of town. A friend came over and took care of the kids, made sure they ate, and put them to bed for me. I think she cleaned too. Honestly, I just know that we were alive and well the next day. Beyond that is a blur.  =)
• This same friend's husband almost died from an illness. Actually, he almost died a year after that as well from an accident. He lives dangerously. In any case,  I picked up the youngest kid and kept him so my friend could stay at the hospital without worrying if her 8 year old had eaten that day.
• Or more simply, this morning my upstairs neighbor was walking down the stairs as I was walking out with 5 kids. I had extra boys today so we went to the park. My neighbor had her hands full with her beautiful baby girl in a carseat on one arm, a baby bathtub in another, a few extra things in her hands, all while talking on a cell phone. I carried the baby bathtub to the parking lot for her. It was no big deal. I'd hope someone would do that for me if my hands were full. Actually, people have done that for me, and it was awesome. Yes, AWESOME.

Like I said, don't offer help if comes with an expectation of getting something in return. That's not service. That would be investing for profit. If you help your friends out, they will probably want to return the favor, and that's where the village part comes in. If you're not expecting it, you get the added bonus of genuine joy from receiving the gift instead of feeling as if you deserved it anyway. Does that make sense?  Obviously don't be a doormat and be realistic in what you can offer. In some slices of life, I can offer a lot to people. In other slices, I desperately need the help! 

So to all of my mom friends, try to be the friend you want to have. You will find the people that will happily come to your rescue when your world is falling apart around you or you've come down with a stomach virus that leaves you chained to the bathroom. It's much easier to find those people if you're willing to be one of those people.