Basically homeschooling
After months and months of hobbling through life without a computer, we've finally come back to the sweet life. We bought a shiny, new computer last week. The struggle of doing everything through a smartphone is real, ya'll. Real.
So I've been tracking through my goals for the year of getting back to basics, and the past few weeks have led me to goal number 3: homeschool. First, homeschooling is HARD. The information isn't hard. The information is easy. Anyone that thinks they can't homeschool because they're not smart enough clearly has no idea what homeschooling is about. The books tell you everything you need to know if you don't already know it. I've got nouns, earthquakes, and fractions down. That's easy. What's not easy is the drudgery. The day in, day out life of getting the work done. It's the hardcore parenting. There's no break. There's no village to help out. Nope. I've taken the challenge of preparing my children for adulthood by the horns. Some might think that sounds arrogant, and perhaps it is. Because I really think I can do this educating thing better than any school. Schools are great. Teachers are great. But no one is an expert on my kids like I am. And if the kings throughout history were educated by private tutors with an arguably lesser education than I have myself, then I think I have history on my side when I say homeschooling is the best choice for us. ;)
But then there's the drudgery. And the PRESSURE. If my kid grows up as dumb as a rock and fails to launch, who am I going to blame? I know my kids are intelligent so I can't blame genetics. So here's the deal. This year has been difficult. We started school in July of last year in preparation for a school year of 2 moves. I am tired. I keep waiting for the mental fatigue to go away, and it's just not. I've become even more absent-minded than I usually am. It's like I have new mommy fatigue without the baby to blame. A month and a half ago, I made some specific benchmark goals for school. If we couldn't get to finish line this year within my determined timeline, major changes would have to happen.
At this point, I can tell that we're not hitting the timeline like I needed to feel comfortable with continuing the way we've been doing things. Don't get me wrong. The kids are still fine with where they are. It's the overachiever inside of me that keeps beating up my heart. And my heart needs a break. SO....next year we're joining Classical Conversations again. It's getting me back to the basics of homeschooling. Classical Conversations will give me a set curriculum, schedule, and accountability.
This decision was particularly hard for me on a few levels. First, part of me is dealing with feelings of disappointment, failure, and shame. Either I can't do what I need to do (and I HATE to admit that I can't do something I think I should) or I won't do what I need to do (and that feels even worse). Either way, right or wrong, I'm dealing with those feelings. Pretending I'm not would just be lying to myself, and that never makes anything better. Over the weekend, I went to a homeschool convention. It was great! But every time I mentioned CC, I'd literally cover my face. My friend pointed it out to me in her gentle "I'm totally making fun of you" way that only she can. I realized I had to deal with my shame issues quickly unless I wanted to spend the weekend being the butt of jokes. In a loving way of course. =)
Second, I like getting to choose what we study. I love learning. Everything we study is fascinating to me. Truly! I like looking through curriculum, choosing, and planning what we'll do over the next year. Giving that up hurts my heart a little bit. Instead, I will console myself with doing my own little research projects. I have list ready for me that I worked out during the homeschool convention. It includes Gregorian Chants, Russian history, and possibly morphology. =)
Third, let's be honest. If you know anything about Classical Conversations, you know there's a certain mentality that "this is the only way to do things" among some of the groups. Most groups are WONDERFUL, but the couple of times I've met the kool-aid drinkers, well...let's just say that one had me sobbing in my bathroom, convinced I had failed my kids permanently because I'd quit CC. I've matured enough to know that person is completely irrelevant in my life. Still, those kinds of experiences burn deep. I'd hate for other people to think that I'm like that. Then I remembered that I shouldn't care what people think (in that context) and need to suck it up to do what's best for my family. For the record, I am NOT a CC kool-aid drinker. I think it's a great program, and I can't wait to get started in the fall. I think there are lots of great programs and curriculum. No one program is going to be better for everyone. So there.
And there it is. I'm simplifying our homeschool. We are getting back to the basics of homeschooling for us. CC will free up brain space to teach the way I like to teach instead of getting caught up in the drudgery as much. I am not foolish enough to think this is a silver bullet. The same struggles will still be there day after day. However, I've given myself a very welcome helping hand.
So I've been tracking through my goals for the year of getting back to basics, and the past few weeks have led me to goal number 3: homeschool. First, homeschooling is HARD. The information isn't hard. The information is easy. Anyone that thinks they can't homeschool because they're not smart enough clearly has no idea what homeschooling is about. The books tell you everything you need to know if you don't already know it. I've got nouns, earthquakes, and fractions down. That's easy. What's not easy is the drudgery. The day in, day out life of getting the work done. It's the hardcore parenting. There's no break. There's no village to help out. Nope. I've taken the challenge of preparing my children for adulthood by the horns. Some might think that sounds arrogant, and perhaps it is. Because I really think I can do this educating thing better than any school. Schools are great. Teachers are great. But no one is an expert on my kids like I am. And if the kings throughout history were educated by private tutors with an arguably lesser education than I have myself, then I think I have history on my side when I say homeschooling is the best choice for us. ;)
But then there's the drudgery. And the PRESSURE. If my kid grows up as dumb as a rock and fails to launch, who am I going to blame? I know my kids are intelligent so I can't blame genetics. So here's the deal. This year has been difficult. We started school in July of last year in preparation for a school year of 2 moves. I am tired. I keep waiting for the mental fatigue to go away, and it's just not. I've become even more absent-minded than I usually am. It's like I have new mommy fatigue without the baby to blame. A month and a half ago, I made some specific benchmark goals for school. If we couldn't get to finish line this year within my determined timeline, major changes would have to happen.
At this point, I can tell that we're not hitting the timeline like I needed to feel comfortable with continuing the way we've been doing things. Don't get me wrong. The kids are still fine with where they are. It's the overachiever inside of me that keeps beating up my heart. And my heart needs a break. SO....next year we're joining Classical Conversations again. It's getting me back to the basics of homeschooling. Classical Conversations will give me a set curriculum, schedule, and accountability.
This decision was particularly hard for me on a few levels. First, part of me is dealing with feelings of disappointment, failure, and shame. Either I can't do what I need to do (and I HATE to admit that I can't do something I think I should) or I won't do what I need to do (and that feels even worse). Either way, right or wrong, I'm dealing with those feelings. Pretending I'm not would just be lying to myself, and that never makes anything better. Over the weekend, I went to a homeschool convention. It was great! But every time I mentioned CC, I'd literally cover my face. My friend pointed it out to me in her gentle "I'm totally making fun of you" way that only she can. I realized I had to deal with my shame issues quickly unless I wanted to spend the weekend being the butt of jokes. In a loving way of course. =)
Second, I like getting to choose what we study. I love learning. Everything we study is fascinating to me. Truly! I like looking through curriculum, choosing, and planning what we'll do over the next year. Giving that up hurts my heart a little bit. Instead, I will console myself with doing my own little research projects. I have list ready for me that I worked out during the homeschool convention. It includes Gregorian Chants, Russian history, and possibly morphology. =)
Third, let's be honest. If you know anything about Classical Conversations, you know there's a certain mentality that "this is the only way to do things" among some of the groups. Most groups are WONDERFUL, but the couple of times I've met the kool-aid drinkers, well...let's just say that one had me sobbing in my bathroom, convinced I had failed my kids permanently because I'd quit CC. I've matured enough to know that person is completely irrelevant in my life. Still, those kinds of experiences burn deep. I'd hate for other people to think that I'm like that. Then I remembered that I shouldn't care what people think (in that context) and need to suck it up to do what's best for my family. For the record, I am NOT a CC kool-aid drinker. I think it's a great program, and I can't wait to get started in the fall. I think there are lots of great programs and curriculum. No one program is going to be better for everyone. So there.
And there it is. I'm simplifying our homeschool. We are getting back to the basics of homeschooling for us. CC will free up brain space to teach the way I like to teach instead of getting caught up in the drudgery as much. I am not foolish enough to think this is a silver bullet. The same struggles will still be there day after day. However, I've given myself a very welcome helping hand.
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