Helpful manipulation. (Betcha didn't know there was such a thing)

     I'm going to tell you something that husbands have always been suspicious of, but would never dare accuse their wives of. At least my husband is smart enough to never call me out on it. Here it is...

Women manipulate in the guise of helpfulness.

      I know. It sounds awful. It is awful. But we do it, and since we're being nice, the poor husbands can't say much.  I'll give you an example so you can see what I mean. I don't have to search hard, I did it just today!
    The family and I went out to Zaxby's for lunch (yes, I know...eating out FAIL). The food was ordered, and we were waiting for it to be ready. The kids were antsy and being somewhat loud. They were like the sun with a bout of solar flares:  BIG BALLS OF ENERGY with occasional flares of chaos that shoot out in a random direction. A straw wrapper flew across the table. They "discussed" whether said straw wrapper actually hit the intended target or swerved and missed. Best Baby Ever wanted food. NOW.  We, the supposed authoritarian figures, would shush them, but the volume would slowly creep back up. This is the point when I just knew that I needed to help my husband by offering to walk up to the counter and wait on the food.
     So I cheerfully said, "I'll go wait at the counter for the food! You sit down, you've already gotten everyone's drinks."  I'm so nice, sweet, helpful, thoughtful...or full of crap. =)  What could he say? He got that crazed look of desperation for half a second. I could almost see his brain working. I know he was thinking, "NOOOO, DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE WITH THEM! I'LL NEVER MAKE IT OUT ALIVE!"  But he couldn't say that out loud. I'd offered to "help" him. He could have turned me down and jumped up even faster than I did, but he didn't. He's a good man. He took one for the team today.
     Since the Zaxby's trip, I've felt kind of bad about the whole thing. I didn't care about the food. I just wanted to walk away for 30 seconds. I threw my husband under the proverbial bus. I hang my head in shame for covering up my selfishness in the cloak of helpfulness. On an up note, at least I recognize my evil ways and can try to find new ways to manipulate that don't cause me so much guilt. I think rationalization will suit me much better. After all, a little self-deception can cover a multitude of wrongs in one's mind.  ;) 

In case the winky emoticon didn't give it away, that last part is SARCASM! Another one of my preferred vices.


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