The Gross and Dangerous Side of Toddlers

        Best Baby Ever has had a growth spurt very recently. How do I know this? He's suddenly stronger and taller. How do I know THAT? Sit back, and I will tell you how I know.  I have many examples I could cite, but I'll just give you the highlights. First, he can reach things on the counter that he couldn't reach a week or two ago such as cups filled with water, silverware, KNIVES.  Oh, and apparently he had an epiphany around the same time as his growth spurt. He's discovered that he loves to climb. He'll climb on boxes, chairs, anything with a ledge, he just likes to climb. He's learned that climbing opens up a whole new forbidden world, and he thinks it's just the best thing since chocolate milk to see what he can get into.  Anything he can't reach on his own just gives him the opportunity to try out his quickly improving climbing skills. Yay!
     In fact, just today he climbed up on the stool in his bathroom, reached as far as he could, and got his toothbrush. So far this is fine.  Miss Firecracker was brushing her teeth, and BBE usually watches her. Miss F watched as he got his toothbrush. She watched him try to brush his teeth. She watched him put his toothbrush in the toilet and put it back in his mouth. THEN she yelled for me to let me know that he had his brush. Feel free to gag now. I know it's gross. Thankfully the toilet was clean.
       How else do I know that BBE has grown recently? Well, he's gotten much stronger. So strong in fact that he can open our door outside. Very recently this was an impossibility, but now he's quite capable of opening the door if it's unlocked. I ALWAYS lock the door. I'm borderline OCD on locking the door, but the kids had gone out and come back in without locking up. See how I just threw my other kids under the bus there? I was cooking dinner, BBE decided to do some exploring, and next thing I know, BBE is wandering around outside in the grass as happy as he can be.  Thankfully a neighbor (with her own precocious 5 year old that used to work as an escape artist) followed him around until his frantic, crazy mother (ME) came running out to get him.
      His mental acuity has also improved. Along with climbing, he's learning how to use tools to bring about mass destruction. A couple of days ago BBE was walking around with a 12 inch ruler. Again, not a big deal or so I thought. He came in the kitchen and became enamored with my pyrex measuring cup. He decided to change up his MO (just to keep me on my toes?) and chose to use the ruler to hook the handle and drag it to him. Of course it crashed and shattered on the floor. No one was hurt, but I admit I teared up a little bit. It was one of my first wedding presents!   
      Sometimes I wonder if I'm raising the next Triumvirate to rule the world. Mr. Logical will make the plans, Miss Firecracker will use her personality to make people do whatever she wants, and Best Baby Ever will be the one that no one talks about because he's the one that will sweetly smile while calling a hit on you if you make him mad. All this to say that I'm definitely get the Worst Mother of the Week Award, and I'm being kind to myself. I'm expecting at least an honorable mention at the Worst Mother of the Year Award Banquet secretly held annually in December. If you didn't know about this secret awards banquet, congratulations! You've never been considered for the Worst Mother of the Year Award!

     On the bright side, Mr. Inc is going to Mississippi for the week (this isn't the bright part) so the kids and I will get to visit our family and friends in the Upstate!  We leave Wednesday and come back on Sunday. Let's hope Wednesday comes quickly!



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